24 March 2010

Temporary Demonic Possession


The Shocking Truth!

There are over 22 known cases of TDP, Temporary Demonic Possession, from the last fifty years alone. That means you may know someone who knows someone that has had TDP in their family, or in the family of someone they knew. TDP hits “too close to home” to be comfortable, yet there is no known cause or prevention of what is assumed by the Medical Community™ to be a virus. Anything, including the Proverbial “toilet seat” may pass the [unknown terminology] on to any unsuspecting innocent person.

Symptoms / Effects

◆ Speaking in tongues

◆ Idiosyncratic Vomiting (ie: puking up blood, mucous, coins, completely undigested food intact, living matter [frogs, scorpions, cockroaches, rats], skeleton keys, etc)

◆ “Fugue” states of psychotic and sometimes fatal behavior

◆ Lost time (sometimes also associated with alien abduction)

◆ Dissociatory Dementia

◆ Subtle perversions of the finger and toe prints, and of the iris

◆ Drastic and sudden dietary changes

◆ Psychosomatic Diarrhea

◆ Burning reactions to religious paraphernalia

◆ Substantial loss of shadow

Remain Vigilant

TDP may strike at any time, at any location. It has been clinically proven to be 100% unpredictable in all situations, other than the precious few Known Symptoms / Effects catalogued herein. There is no “diaper” or “tampon” or other such safeguard against TDP. And remember, as TDP is not a residential possession, an exorcism will only work temporarily as TDP involves all of daemonkind, and most of the other aether-regions.

Due to these unpleasant facts, some areas are best avoided altogether:


Airplanes (see also next)

Public Transportation (bus, train, etc)

Elevators (or any enclosed public spaces)


Government buildings

Fan Conventions of any sort

Where to Seek Help

If you have, or suspect that you may have Temporary Demonic Possession, seek help immediately. Several free and cheap facilities exist that are capable of treating and/or diagnosing TDP and its ancillary maladies such as The Cassandra Complex, Tourettes Syndrome and The Belligerence.

Center for Disease Control
1305 F Avenue
Morrison, VA 86597

10956 SE Main St
Milwaukie, OR 97222

The Mayo Clinic
100 State Place
Minneapolis, MN 40439

The American Medical Association
c/o JAMA, The Journal of,
Im Stoeckmaedle 18, 76307
Karlsbad, Germany
fax : ++49 724 891 1888

The Vatican
Vatican City, Rome

(Transcribed verbatim from the original flier circa 1979)

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