NAKED CHICK BLOWS SHIT UP!
THE MOTION PICTURE
“Everyone. Everywhere. You will be offended.”
a screenplay by meat™
© 2010, 000 Over 000
INT. BEDROOM. NIGHT.
A beautiful woman is removing her clothes. Slowly. Once naked, she walks over to a table covered with lots of guns and explosives, a backpack and a cell phone. She carefully packs the pack full, straps other guns, bombs and grenades to the outside of the pack, then puts it on. Looking around she notices combat boots and nods an “oh yeah” thing and puts them on too.
Seemingly as an afterthought, she dons a belt with two holsters and tons of ammo clips all over it. She regards the table and chooses the two highest caliber guns with the longest clips. These fucking guns must shoot hundreds of bullets before she’ll need to reload. Sweet.
Finished with prep, she light a cigarette and smokes it while sensually running her hands and fingers all over her thighs and breasts. This goes on while she smokes the whole cigarette. At least a couple minutes. When done, she flicks it at the wall and picks up her cell phone. Dials a number.
It’s me. The shit’s on.
EXT. HOUSE. DAY.
Naked Chick is leaving her house and locking the door. Walks down the small porch’s stairs and turns to face house. She lifts her hand and pushes a button on small transceiver.
Fuck. I forgot about my goldfish.
BOOM! The house explodes in a huge fireball.
Sorry Semtex. It was an accident.
She looks sad for a moment, then shrugs a cute “oh well” and walks away toward her car. She gets in and fiddles briefly with stuff we can’t see, then turns it on. Backs out of drive-way and speeds off. At a group of young black kids with their fucking pants-waist down to their knees she skids loudly to a halt, leaving a smoking skid mark on the road. (Is she wearing the backpack while driving?) She gets out and confronts the kids to much wooing and hahing her nakedness.
What the fuck is the deal here?!
Can’t you just pull your fucking
pants up? God Damn It. You have
no idea how stupid you look, I’m
guessing. Well, you look really
fucking retarded, okay?
IDIOT KID 1:
Man, you ain’t got no idea what
my life and lifestyle is, so get
the fuck out my face.
Look, TV Stain, you are. an. idiot.
You think copying an idiotic
(EXAGGERATES THE WORDS)
gesture, even though it’s
really fucking stupid, makes you not
just different but better. The fact
that you don’t wear clothes correctly
makes you somehow better and cooler
than people like me. Well, bad
example. Still, most people think
your pants-falling-down fashion sense
and your three-year-old way of
pronouncing things incorrectly like
libary and aks shows a juvenile and
inconsequential mind. You will never
be taken seriously unless you come up
with better ways to rebel. Fuck, man,
don’t you realize that punks and
goths and even B&D and hard-core
wingnuts are taken more serious than
fuckheads like you? The guy that
likes to fuck some other guy in the
ass and then cums in that guy’s ass
and then have that guy fart out the
semen into his mouth is higher up on
the credibility food-chain than you.
What do you think about that?
IDIOT KID 2:
Shit, you be fucking goin’ off on
some crazy shit bitch. I ain’t never-
Shut the fuck up. You fuckin’
knuckle-heads pull your pants up
now, or I’ll kill you.
IDIOT KID 1:
Fuck you! This is a free count-
IDIOT KID 1:
You don’t scare me, bitch.
Naked Chick smiles and looks around. This will be fun.
Naked Chick stands over the decimated corpses; blood everywhere.
And the death toll (not counting Semtex, the goldfish), begins.
CREDIT SEQUENCE (W/ sexy girl breathing s/t)
INT. HER CAR. DAY.
Bloody and horny, she is masturbating in the backseat of her car. This takes only about 23 seconds as she been doing this throughout the credit sequence. She finishes, licks her fingers, climbs over the seat into the driver’s seat and squeezes one nipple with each hand and makes a Beep Beep noise. Starts the car and begins driving.
TO BE CONTINUED