02 April 2010

Shitty Joke Dump 59

William Shatner.

Have your William Shatner dramatically announce regular daily events:
“The phone… is ringing!”
“There’s someone… or something… at the door.”
“The turkey… is… thawed… andreadytocook.”
“There is… postage due… on this parcel.”
“Your lambchops look… dangerously under-cooked. Youshouldsenditback!”

You could also use Him as a tailor’s dummy whenever you need to ‘take your suit in’ or for ironing groovy patches on the knees of your old blue jeans.

Some people have even been known to use their William Shatner for fighting a living, crawling, Hell on earth wherein mutant tarantulas attack kindly townsfolk.
This is NOT recommended.

One of my favorite uses of my William Shatner is to send Him in to do my job on the days that I don’t want to work, but also don’t want to use a sick day or vacation time. His unique delivery of speech usually cuts off any possible dialogue or questioning and your boss or manager will, without fail, give up on any line of questioning.

One of the most popular uses for your William Shatner is to outfit Him with a microphone and a tape recorder and send Him to the store to do your shopping. First off, it saves you time, but more importantly, it provides you with a great tape to play at parties as He usually engages in lengthy and meaningless conversation with anyone that is unfortunate enough to ask Him a question or make eye-contact.

Plus, sometimes, He will naturally provide a running commentary to whatever task He is engaged in, usually including what seems to be arbitrary “star-dates.”

Even something as mundane as going to buy milk can produce hours of priceless entertainment!

The William Shatner is prone to wandering, so it is advisable to equip your William Shatner with a Carjack™ or similar tracking device. You would not want lose your William Shatner, and, as a safety measure, you will want to be able to locate Him in case of theft.
Note: Most William Shatners are not insured.

Warning : Never leave your William Shatner alone with your girlfriend or wife!

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