1 - WHEN YOU PEE YOUR PANTS AGAIN TODAY YELL "MY WATER BROKE" AND RUN AWAY DAY
2 - TELL IT LIKE IT IS DAY
3 - WATCH THE SIMPSONS, YOU KNOW, JUST OUT OF HABIT, NOT BECAUSE IT'S STILL FUNNY DAY
4 - INVENT A NEW RACIAL SLUR DAY
5 - [censored by The Illuminati]
6 - BUILD AN ARK AND TRY TO GATHER 2 OF EACH ANIMAL ALL THE WHILE LOSING WHAT LITTLE FAITH YOU STILL HAD IN THE BIBLE DAY
7 - GO OFF THE PILL IN HOPES THAT THAT WILL FINALLY GET YOU LAID DAY
8 - LOOK INTO YOUR HEART WITH THE HELP OF A SURGEON AND A MICROCAMERA DAY
9 - LEARN THE LETTER "W" AND THE NUMBER "5" DAY
10 - REWRITE THE EPIC POEM HOWL SO IT BEGINS "I SAW THE BEST MINDS OF MY GENERATION IN HALF WITH A CHAINSAW..." DAY
11 - '50's STYLE HEPCAT LINGO DAY
12 - FINALLY REALIZE THAT HITLER DIDN'T HATE "THE JUICE" YOU MORON DAY
13 - GO FOR FIVESIES DAY
14 - SUICIDE FOR SATAN DAY
15 - GET MILDLY DRUNK AND GET A TEMPORARY TATTOO DAY
16 - COME TO TERMS WITH THE FACT THAT "KEEP THE HOMEFIRES BURNING" DIDN'T MEAN BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN DAY
17 - DON'T BOGART THAT JOINT CHIEF OF STAFF DAY
18 - BEST 4 OUT OF 7 DEADLY SINS DAY
19 - FINISH EVERY SENTENCE WITH "AND YOU CAN QUOTE ME ON THAT" BECAUSE, HELL, FRIENDS ARE OVERRATED DAY
20 - SHOVE COUNTERFEIT ONES INTO THE G-STRINGS OF UGLY "DANCERS" DAY
21 - TODAY'S NEW'S IS ABUOT THE QEEN OF SWITZERLIND DAY
22 - SACRIFICE A COW TO APPEASE THE VEGAN GODS BEFORE YOU REALIZE, OH SHIT, I MEANT PAGAN, NOT VEGAN DAY
23 - WRITE A BEST-SELLING KID'S BOOK WITH HIDDEN REFERENCES TO ANARCHISM DAY
24 - STOP LOOKING FOR WALDO ALREADY DAY
25 - TIME YOUR SO-CALLED "24-HOUR" DEODORANT AND WHEN IT FAILS AT HOUR 23 SUE THE SHIT OUT OF THE MANUFACTURER DAY
26 - THINK IT'S SAFE TO GO BACK IN THE WATER *or* HEAR SOMEONE IN SPACE SCREAM DAY (it's your call)
27 - BE JOHN MALKOVICH FOR ABOUT 15 MINUTES DAY
28 - GO INTO YOUR KITCHEN, CHECK THE DRAWER AND FIND THAT THERE IS A SPOON AFTERALL DAY
29 - REMEMBER THE ALAMO BUT DON'T GIVE A FUCK DAY
30 - PUKE AT A McDONALD'S TABLE DAY
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