When I was 7, I had the "alien abduction" experience.
I also experienced a profoundly disorienting sense of time
These things continued throughout my life until my
mid-thirties. I have not had any
"unexplainable" events since then.
It's been years. Still, it left me
pretty fucked up, to this day. I'm all kinds of fucked up, but do not
believe in alien abduction. I went
through the experience, many times, and am pretty fucking sure it wasn't
Temporal Lobe Epilepsy, Sleep Paralysis, or anything else I've heard.
Something FUCKED UP is happening to people, and just because it seems
like "alien abduction" doesn't mean it is. It also doesn't mean that
nothing happened to all these other people and myself. I have NO IDEA
what it is, but for all the world, it feels VERY "OTHER." So strange,
terrifying, belittling, isolating, and paranoia-inducing that it touches
EVERY aspect of your life.
It's a terrible way to grow up.
Confessing to things that happened to me. That brought me guilt, like a
rape victim blaming themself. I am guilty, shameful, wrong because this
doesn't happen to "normal" people. Shamed. Guilty. Paranoid. Suicidal.
Unable to fit in. All I am is a meat-suit of fear, questions and a
defense-mechanism of humor.